


Logical Fallacy

by Aliceisophelia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Comic Relief, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force as Personification, Gay Poe Dameron, Jealousy, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren is a Mess, Living Force, Meddling Force, Minor Finn/Rose Tico, Please Kill Me, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Possessive Kylo Ren, Possessive Rey of Jakku, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Propaganda, Rey Needs A Hug, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, The Force Ships It, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, cosmic force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-01 11:42:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13997568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aliceisophelia/pseuds/Aliceisophelia
Summary: Pre Ep. IX but post Ep. VIII.He finally lifts his head to look at her, dark eyes shining with tears still to be shed. This is the most vulnerable he has ever been and she should be trying to use this to her advantage. He cannot fathom why she isn’t trying to persuade him back to the light when she clearly senses the weakness in him. She sat quietly with him, holding his face in her hands and wiping away his tears. Her eyes are a golden swirl of color flecked with green and blue as he stares at her, trying to understand her motives. He wants her to stay here with him, keep him from being alone in this pain and grief. Keep him from being alone with himself.





	1. Good Intentions

**Author's Note:**

> Um... This is my first ever fic? Errors are my own. It's pretty serious with little excerpts of humor over the story arc. I really need to stop using the word "dark". Oh. First Line is a MCD. I'm probably not good at this but Imma do it anyway. Thank you for reading and if you like it, please leave me a kudos.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia dies, Kylo cries, Rey comforts, Kylo rages. Our Emo Space Prince Ren is so very conflicted. But he's learning fast now that Snoke is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place about a year after the end of TLJ. Leia has died. Literally that's the first sentence so... yeah. You were warned. This is my first fiction and I'm a bit rusty as I haven't written in about ten years and it will be edited at some point. It is beta'd but my friends are kind and not as critical as I am. In this one it's all serious business but there will be some laughter throughout this story. The Living and Cosmic Force get personified. I'll update this as I can and I'm going back through to edit the time line because I wasn't terribly clear about it. My bad. I'll get on that. I hope you enjoy it and if you do please leave me a kudos and some feedback.

** ROUGHLY A YEAR AFTER THE BATTLE OF CRAIT **

 

 

 

“General Leia Organa has died.”

 

Holopads all over the Inner and Outter Rims had so many people gathered around it that one could scarcely make out the figure. Everyone in the Galaxy was watching. Everyone. Leia was not just a General and Royalty; she was the central figure head to the Resistance. It was her strength and grace that garnered the Resistance so much backing. It was also the face that all resistance fighters rallied around. Without Leia they were lost. Unless…..  
As the little hologram of the spokesman continued informing the galaxy at large that Leia had passed quietly in her sleep and that she wanted the all of them to unite against the First Order as they had against the Empire, the gears were already turning behind the scenes. The Resistance needed new heroes, people that even children could look up to, people that a new generation of fighters could draw strength from in the coming storm. If the Resistance was to hold out hope, they would have to move fast. They needed this next generation of heroes right now.

Somewhere, far across the galaxy, a lone man sat weeping in his chair quietly. There is wreckage strewn about the room and a still smoking holopad on the floor near where he sits. His hair, as dark as the vacuum of space, is covering his pale skin and darker eyes while he waits. He sits on a throne waiting for her, waiting on her to shimmer into view. He waits for the Force to bring her to him as it always does. He is the only one in this disheveled and dimly lit throne room but he is not alone. He is never truly alone. She is always with him. He can always feel her. It is both a torture and a comfort to him that she is there in this moment, sensing his feelings of grief and sharing in them. He’s not sure how he would have kept breathing without her. She says nothing. She does not have to. Instead, she goes to him, kneels beside him and holds him while he cries. She cries with him as he mourns his mother and all of the things that were left unsaid. He clings to her like a life line, no longer trying to control his grief. She feels everything he feels anyway.

He finally lifts his head to look at her, dark eyes shining with tears still to be shed. This is the most vulnerable he has ever been and she should be trying to use this to her advantage. He cannot fathom why she isn’t trying to persuade him back to the light when she clearly senses the weakness in him. She sat quietly with him, holding his face in her hands and wiping away his tears. Her eyes are a golden swirl of color flecked with green and blue as he stares at her, trying to understand her motives. He wants her to stay here with him, keep him from being alone in this pain and grief. Keep him from being alone with himself. She looks so kind and loving right now. He never told her that he loved her. He never told his mother either. He should have but love was something that was not for him, nor was kindness. She had shown him the finality of that knowledge when he had slain his master on her behalf and laid his kingdom at her feet as a sacrifice. He wanted to give her the universe. She deserved it. If she wanted it, she didn’t want it from him. She had left him unconscious on the floor of this very room. She had fought him after he saved her, threw his entire life away to save her, and she had rejected him. She did not want him, but she had left him alive. It was almost as if she had truly cared about him. She had lead him to believe that she did with all that they had shared. She had deceived him in that regard. It had shown him that sentiment was weakness, as his master had said. Yet, here he was crying in her arms over his mother, and all he wanted was to keep her in his grasp. Weakness, indeed.

He remembered the night in her stone hut that they had first touched hands. She was beautiful and kind and as fierce as she was, she was gentle with him then. He had returned in kind, wrapping her small frame in his blanket. She had been damp and cold, huddled around the small fire in the center of the room when he appeared to her through their bond. He had loved her then. He had loved her since he first saw her but it had been so long since he had felt anything but hate and malice that he had not recognized it. He knew better now. He loved her still. Still she rejected him. He had begged her. She pushed him away. He pursued her to the rebel base and she watched him fight his murderous uncle from afar. The last he had seen of her, he was on his knees peering through the Force, alone in a dark mission control room, with her shutting the door on him. It was too much to bear with his grief wracking him to the core. Seeing her traitorous face so concerned for him, so close to him, was more than he could stomach.  
He rose abruptly, pushing her, the source of his weakness, away from him. She fell back on the floor, eyes still following him.

“Ben…” she said softly, reaching out for him.

He whirls on her with every ounce of rage and betrayal he has in him. “You do not call me that! Ben Solo is DEAD and you helped bury him!” She can feel the fury and roiling emotions coming off him in waves. She wanted to soothe him but he wouldn’t allow it. He chose rage instead. She didn’t understand.  
“Why are you pushing me away? I’m here the same as I have always been here for you, Ben. I don’t know why you are so angry with me. I felt your grief and I pushed until the Force let me come to you.” she pleaded with him, as she so often did.

“YOU?!? YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE FOR ME??” He raged at her, his voice echoing in the empty room. She shrank from him for an instant before recovering herself. She would not be frightened by him. She refused.

“You left me here in this room, unconscious, bleeding, and REJECTED. I wanted to give you everything! I threw away all that I was for you and you walked out on me, not once, but TWICE. I care nothing for your lies and sentiment! If Ben Solo had a chance, you killed it, and him along with it. Ben Solo is gone and all you are left with is a ‘Monster’, as you so aptly called me. Well, if I am a monster then I shall behave accordingly.” He turned and with a wave of his and a ripple of the Force, threw the throne room doors open. He marched through them, cowl and cape trailing with his swift strides, the Supreme Leader once more. Another flick of his hand and the massive doors slammed behind him, leaving Rey alone and terrified in the empty throne room.

“Oh, Ben…” she said as she watched him shut her out. She felt him close his mind off to her as much as he could, as well. She waited just a moment and the scene shimmered away, leaving her alone in her room at the Resistance base.


	2. The Road to Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Poe had been called to a meeting in the ready room. They expected to see others there, Finn, Rose, Connix, and officers that would help plan the next attack or defense. Instead, there was a hologram of a small council in the center of the console. The figures were all cloaked with hoods drawn high, faces obscured. They exchanged wary looks. This was not how the Resistance did business. The Resistance was generally more open about their plans with their trusted members.  
> “Thank you for joining us. We have an important matter to discuss.” A digitized voice said from the hologram.  
> “Why are you disguised?” Rey asked bluntly. She could only make out the shadowed forms of each member.  
> “That is Resistance business. We are not obligated to speak to you on such matters. However, it is beneficial to note that this council controls the way the galaxy at large views the Resistance. We make sure that morale is intact so that we may garner further resources and support both from governments and individuals. After all, if no one believes in it, then do you really have a cause to fight for?” 
> 
> “Alright,” Poe said, cautiously, “what are we here for and how does it benefit the Resistance?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... Yeah. Again, errors are my own. Sorry about my short chapters. I'm just getting the hang of this and hope to write something substantial in length once I get all the plot details laid out. Our Space Darcy is not a happy fellow and now he's less happy. Lots of angst and conflicts of interest.

**ROUGHLY TWO DAYS LATER**

 

Rey and Poe had been called to a meeting in the ready room. They expected to see others there, Finn, Rose, Connix, and officers that would help plan the next attack or defense. Instead, there was a hologram of a small council in the center of the console. The figures were all cloaked with hoods drawn high, faces obscured. They exchanged wary looks. This was not how the Resistance did business. The Resistance was generally more open about their plans with their trusted members.

“Thank you for joining us. We have an important matter to discuss.” A digitized voice said from the hologram.

“Why are you disguised?” Rey asked bluntly. She could only make out the shadowed forms of each member.

“That is Resistance business. We are not obligated to speak to you on such matters. However, it is beneficial to note that this council controls the way the galaxy at large views the Resistance. We make sure that morale is intact so that we may garner further resources and support both from governments and individuals. After all, if no one believes in it, then do you really have a cause to fight for?”

Rey and Poe looked at each other again in mutual understanding. They didn’t like how this was going but this council did have a point.

“Alright,” Poe said, cautiously, “what are we here for and how does it benefit the Resistance?”

Another of the obscured figures spoke: “With General Organa gone, we need a new point of hope to rally the cause around. A symbol, if you will. Those symbols are you. What we need you to do is to give the Resistance the same kind of hope the Rebels had when they had Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewbacca to look to for guidance. They were brave, young, impetuous, and frankly, likable. The General managed to stay the course and transform herself from a Princess of a fallen planet to a formidable military commander. The love of Leia and Han gave the people hope renewed and they kept fighting until the Empire fell. Luke was the Jedi that brought faith back into the Universe. His presence told the people of this galaxy that you could come from humble beginnings and reach the depths of greatness. It told the people that the Force had not abandoned them after all. Without them all together, we would not have stood a chance against the darkness of the Empire.”

“We need you two to be our new Han and Leia.” Another figure spoke up, frankly. He appeared impatient, drumming his fingers on the table.

Both Rey and Poe blanched at that thought for very different reasons. The shock was apparent on their now pale, wide eyed, faces.  
“You cannot be serious!” they said in unison.

A few muffled chuckles escaped the council members. “Think of it” yet another figure spoke up, this one clearly female from the pitch of her voice, “you could bring hope to the masses and allow the Resistance to fight on, gaining more troops, money, and putting us on a more level playing field with the First Order. With holos of the two of you fighting side by side and the galaxy falling in love with you falling in love, we could lead a charge against the First Order and its tyranny!”

“No way in hell.” Poe said.

“Not even for a life time worth of portions.” Rey said.

“This was not a request.” The figure at the head of the council stated flatly as he stood, hands before him on the table. “You will comply or you will find yourself without a cause to fight for.”

This shocked the pair. Rey stood with her mouth open trying to think of a response and Poe buried his face in his hand, pinching the bridge of his nose. He spoke first.

“You do not realize exactly how ridiculous this request is. It will never work. You cannot manufacture what Han and Leia had together. Or what Luke brought to the Republic with his bravery. This is an insane idea.”

“We are not attempting to manufacture anything genuine. We are only asking you to act your parts in the play.” said the female figure. “All we wish for you to do is make it appear that there is a budding romance between the best pilot in the resistance and its only Jedi warrior. No one is asking you to fall in love. We just need you to make it look that way. “ the figure said, wryly. “It is for the good of the Resistance.”

* * *

 

Once they were out of the room and headed back down the hallway to the mess hall, Rey looked at Poe and he looked more worried than she had ever seen him.

“We don’t have to do this” she said. “We can simply refuse. I’d like to see them try and kick us out of the Resistance!”

Poe gave her a nervous glance. “That’s not all there is to this for me, Rey. It’s much more complicated.”

“What is it then? I have no intention of being their public trophy to dress up and show off as if I were a puppet on a string. You have nothing to worry about.” She was trying to reassure him but for the first time in their friendship, he looked actually scared.

“Rey, they’re right and they are going to get what they want one way or another. That’s just the way it is. The galaxy does need something to focus on now that the General is gone. I just wish that something wasn’t this. I’m afraid that if I go along with this that I will wreck it and reveal more about myself than I want the entire galaxy knowing. It isn’t their business who I’m in a relationship with but part of me knows that the council is right about the amount of support we are likely to get if the public has someone to focus their hopes on. Who doesn’t love a good love story? Look at how Luke became a legend! He still represents hope and he’s gone! There’s just one problem…” he trailed off looking away from her as he walked.

She had to agree that he was making better points than the council had made. If they had spoken to him first, charming as the x-wing pilot always was with everyone, he could have surely talked her into this with no problems at all. Maybe Poe had a little Jedi mind trick of his own, she mused. If he agreed with the council, what problem could there be? It was just for show.

“What’s the problem then, if you think they’re right?” she asked innocently enough.

He stopped and looked Rey right in the eyes, all humor gone from his own. “Rey, I’m gay. I’ve been in love with Finn since we stole that TIE fighter and crashed on Jakku. I know Finn is with Rose and he’s happy. I’m happy for him, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Especially, when I’d rather tell him how I feel outright but it never seemed to be the right time. Then Rose happened and she is an amazing person. I won’t ruin his happiness with my feelings. Now I have to pretend I’m in love with a woman. I don’t know how to be the person they are asking me to be. But for the Resistance I’m going to try.” He seemed exhausted and relieved at the same time when he was finished. He stood looking Rey in the eyes, waiting for her response.

“Poe, I’m so sorry. It never even crossed my mind. You really shouldn’t have to put yourself through this kind of thing. Let’s just tell them no. I mean what can they really do about it?” Rey asked, sincerely hurting for her friend.

Poe sighed and leaned back against the wall with his head tilted towards the ceiling. He blinked slowly as he tried to form the words to answer her. “If we don’t do this, and we get shut out of the Resistance, they will be without the most experienced flight commander they have and without their only remaining force user. We are already so few in number. If we don’t play ball with them then a lot of people are going to get hurt. And as selfish as it sounds, if Finn was one of them, I could never forgive myself. So let’s just play our parts and do what we can to help those we care about most.”

He then held his hand out to her, waiting for her response. She stared at his hand for a long time and then begrudgingly and angrily took it.

They made their way to the mess hall for afternoon rations. All eyes were upon them as they walked into the bustling room, filled with soldiers and pilots, boldly holding hands and standing too close together to be just friendly. The whispers started immediately. The Jedi and the X-Wing Commander were all anyone could talk about. Rey was smiling through it all but her mind was wandering. She could not help but wonder what it would have been like to have this with Ben. This is all she could have dreamed of with him. Being surrounded by friends and loved ones who would support them in their relationship and be happy for them. She longed for that acceptance. It broke her heart and made her blood boil that she had to fake this with someone else. As Rey stood, smiling and laughing with a supportive Finn and Rose, Poe draped his arm casually across her shoulder with a familiar affection that was foreign to her. He had to make this count so he leaned in and kissed her on the temple. Rey was startled but covered it with a big smile and a laugh. It was a convincing scene and it made sense to those in the crowded mess hall. Why wouldn’t their two best and brightest get together?

Poe was ever the charming actor. She could see that his smile couldn’t warm his tepid eyes. She felt sorry for him. Sorry for what her friend must be going through inside, so she leaned into him, wrapping her arm around his waist and laying her head on his shoulder. She meant to comfort him and he knew that. They exchanged knowing looks of disbelief at this spectacle.

When she looked back up a familiar sensation washed over her, and for just a moment, she saw him. The blood that had been boiling in her veins at this farce a moment ago had frozen solid in glance.

“Ben…” She mouthed to herself, searching the crowd instantly. He was standing across the mess staring at the pair of them wrapped in each other, laughing and joking with their friends. There was nothing in his expression but betrayal, hatred, and grief. She saw his lightsaber ignite just before he disappeared and she feared for anyone near him. He may have been gone from her sight but there was nothing stopping her from feeling everything he felt. She could almost hear his thoughts whispered through her mind over the violent raging storm that was his pain.

“How could you? Anyone but Poe. Anyone.”

Then he was gone and her mind was still again. She shivered. Poe felt her trembling.

“Are you cold, babe?” he asked with warmth and caring on display for all to see.

She nodded just the once, as not to give away how torn and confused she was about what she had just seen. Poe immediately slid his jacket off and placed it over her shoulders. She thanked him and they sat to eat with their friends. Rey plastered a fake smile to her face while she pushed her rations around her tray. This would be the first time she had ever thrown away food but she just couldn’t stomach it right now.

As her friends ate and talked, she wondered what would become of all of them and how she could explain this to Ben so that he didn’t feel like he was being replaced. No one could ever replace him. She loved him.

Somewhere, far across the galaxy, a man sits in a chair in a destroyed room. There are no tears now, only consuming thoughts of hatred and vengeance.


	3. Perdition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He paced as he thought about what he had seen for the millionth time. It had been running on repeat in his mind, in painful clarity and slow motion. The easy affection, the warm smile, how happy she appeared with the pilots arm draped around her. How he was allowed to hold her, kiss her temple, the bashful way she cast her eyes down and looked up at him through those long lashes, smiling a smile he had seen on her only during conversations that Kylo had shared with her. If he was honest, it wasn’t mere jealousy. It was heartbreak and it was fresh on the heels of his mother’s death. He was overwhelmed with loss just as he had been when his uncle attempted to kill him in his sleep. Those long days that followed were the darkest he could remember until now. He had truly lost her. There was no hope. He was truly without the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter so far. Angsty Kylo. Conflicted Rey. Fluff happens. The plot thickens. Language gets a little foul.

**IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING THE EVENTS OF THE LAST CHAPTER**

 

 

Yet again, the Supreme Leader sat alone in a wrecked throne room. Twice in as many days he has laid waste to the trappings of his office. His grief mixed in with his anger and the betrayal he felt from the one person he had trusted to care, regardless of the edged words he threw at her. Even in those moments that were consumed by his rage, he could feel her understanding and calming energy. All of it was a lie. It was all a game to get into his head, to show her what the First Order would do next. That had to be her motivation. There was not a chance that she felt about him the way he felt about her. She had called him a monster, had told him that he was a murderous snake. She had been correct in her assessment and there was no way she could feel anything for him. It had to be a lie.

He paced as he thought about what he had seen for the millionth time. It had been running on repeat in his mind, in painful clarity and slow motion. The easy affection, the warm smile, how happy she appeared with the pilots arm draped around her. How he was allowed to hold her, kiss her temple, the bashful way she cast her eyes down and looked up at him through those long lashes, smiling a smile he had seen on her only during conversations that Kylo had shared with her. If he was honest, it wasn’t mere jealousy. It was heartbreak and it was fresh on the heels of his mother’s death. He was overwhelmed with loss just as he had been when his uncle attempted to kill him in his sleep. Those long days that followed were the darkest he could remember until now. He had truly lost her. There was no hope. He was truly without the light.

* * *

 

Rey had excused herself from the mess hall early, sighting a headache. She gave Poe an affectionate hug and peck on the cheek, all for show, and headed to her room still wearing his jacket. She hurried down the hall and slid into her room, pressing herself against the door as tight as she could. One of the benefits of being the only Jedi was that she got her own room with an adjacent training/meditation room. It even had a ‘fresher. She looked at the ‘fresher door to her right and thought about turning the water on as hot as it would go and curling up in a ball and crying. If they heard her screams of frustration they would assume she was training.

“What have I done?” she asked herself out loud. She felt like a hole had been ripped in her and nothing would fill it. Were those her feelings or Ben’s? They were probably both. She would like to say she couldn’t imagine how he feels but she can. She feels it too. She feels it in the marrow. Exasperated by all this she sighed loudly to herself. She had to find a way to reach Ben. She didn’t know how other than the Force. She didn’t know if it would allow her to reach him but she had to try. She had to find a way to tell him that this wasn’t what he thought. That she would never betray him. She stopped short realizing the truth as it sank like a lead weight in her stomach.

“…. I already have.” She whispered to herself.

She crumpled to the ground, tears finally flowing from her freely. She cried herself into the headache that she pretended to have earlier. At least she wasn’t a liar. She suddenly remembered that she was a liar just on a much larger scale. A scale that could cost her everything she cared about. If the Resistance found out that this was all fake, no one would ever trust her again. If she didn’t tell Ben the truth he would come after them with everything he had. If she did tell him the truth she risked the entire Resistance. She cried harder and the Force flowed through her whirling things around the room. Her lamp smashed into the wall, the mattress on her bed flipped up as the bed frame began to lift. Her agony made the lights flicker and the walls tremble. She needed to control herself but she was lost in her torment. She was so lost that she didn’t notice a lone figure appear in the doorway to the training room, watching her.

Ben had been staring out of the window in his quarters, into the infinite abyss and then he was staring at Rey crumpled and weeping on the floor, so overwrought with emotion that everything in the room was swirling and crashing. He could feel her rage, conflict, and grief. He just didn’t understand why. He wanted to go to her and pick her up and comfort her but he also wanted to scream at her and tell her that she deserved this pain for whatever reason she had it. So he did nothing. He stood and observed. He watched her until she noticed him. When she finally felt him she snapped her head up, staring at him with an intensity that matched his own. Everything in the room dropped to the ground. He saw all the raw emotion in her swirling through her hazel eyes. She rose up to her full height and Ben braced himself for a fight as she headed towards him. He did not expect her to launch herself at him. She caught him off guard and as he stumbled backwards he cursed himself for not seeing further betrayal in her eyes. As they fell backwards he expected her to strike. Every instinct told him to ready himself for this fight. They landed on the mats in the training room and he already had his forearm across her chest just under her throat but her weight, slight as it may be, was on top of him and moving with such momentum that even from this position it would be hard won to push her off. The Force was useless during these sessions and left him without the defense he would normally use. She was straddling him now with her hands on either side of his head as she pushed herself up. He was confused and searching her eyes knowing that would tell him where the blow would come from. Instead she lowered herself, their noses brushing slightly as he felt her hot breath mingling with his.

“Ben…” she breathed. Then she met his lips with hers. Ben’s brain short circuited. He could not fathom what was happening. His body didn’t need his mind to work, however. It responded to her stronger than he ever had in any dream. There had been many, many dreams. His arms were around her instantly, pulling her closer to him while he returned her kiss like he was on fire and she was the ocean. He flipped them and she was on her back, his weight pressing down on her. She should have fought but instead she wrapped her arms tighter around him. Suddenly, his brain reconnected to his body. He tore away from her, looking down at her with anger and confusion, searching her.

“Rey, what the fuck is this?” he snarled at her. “ I just watched you with that son of a bitch Dameron. You cannot keep jerking my soul around like this. I’m bonded to you and you to me. This is something more than either of us realizes and the Force did this to us. Not Snoke. If it had been him then it would have stopped with his death. I curse this every single fucking day. More so today. How can you be so fucking fickle about this??” he raged at her. His jaw muscles flexing as he ground his teeth, fighting back another rant and the urge to kiss her again at the same time.

She smiled up at him. “That was my first kiss, Ben. It was all I could think about when I saw you. I wanted it to be you. I can’t tell you anything more than that. I wish I could explain but we’re going to have to accept that there are things we cannot share right now.” Her eyes darkened at the thought. “You made that choice as much as I did but you have to know that you’re never going to be alone. We are never going to be alone and this will always be here.” She kissed him again, softly this time, and faded from underneath him.

He looked up to find he was again in his quarters, staring out the window into the abyss. He could still feel her mouth on his. He touched where her lips had been. The sudden rage and frustration that spilled from him as he struck the durasteel floor caused it to dent as the Force flowed through him. He stood roaring and ignited his saber and destroyed his com station. He straightened himself and killed his lightsaber. He took a deep breath. He had a mystery to unravel and at the center of it was his deceitful little Jedi. He realized now that she couldn’t lie to him so she had to be omitting something vast. Just what it was, he was unsure of. It was time to be the Supreme Leader and dig into the galaxy with every resource the First Order had. His little scavenger was up to something and he was going to find out what, no matter how many planets he needed to raze to the ground in the process. His emotions now subdued, his analytic mind was racing through the possibilities. He stormed to the bridge. Hux was at his post.

“General! I want you to scan for all messages sent on the public subsystems of Resistance friendly planets. I want all of our ground networks running, spies, bounty hunters, ground troops. I have a lead on some Resistance intelligence and this is paramount to tracking the lead.”

Hux side eyed Ren. “Exactly what will be looking for, Supreme Leader?”

Ren slowly turned his head to the ginger irritant, boring his eyes into him. He considered a moment before he responded. The rest of the bridge crew shivered and several swore over drinks much later that they could hear the vicious smile in the Dark Lords voice. “Propaganda, General. We’re looking for propaganda.”


	4. Cosmogony Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What is wrong with these two?” The Living Force asked the Cosmic Force, exasperatedly.  
> “They’re humans. That should tell you everything you need to know. They’re going to over complicate or over simplify anything that they have to think about.” Said the Cosmic Force. “Generally, in the wrong order. “  
> “How are they supposed to bring balance if they can’t stop fighting? They are going about this all wrong! Why are they denying the parts of themselves they most need?” asked the Living Force.  
> “Again, Liv, they are overthinking and not accepting themselves. They don’t know how to do anything but fight. You picked the two souls that have been at war since birth, and you expect them to come to some sort of peaceful resolve? The light girl couldn’t even accept that her parents were never coming back after fifteen years. The big dark one couldn’t accept that his family happens to be fallible humans just like himself. He even killed one of them thinking that he could kill the light. I’m not sure why you are still tooling around with these hairless monkeys. The more you do, the more complex things become.” The Cosmic Force opined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are errors in this. I'm aware of them and will edit them later. I did this in the middle of the night and the sun was rising when I hit the post button. It just flew from my finger tips. My husband said he dreamed of typing because he was asleep beside me. Lol
> 
> The Force is meddling here. Rey gets all gussied up, Poe is charming, Kylo is sad, then jealous, then angry, then smug, then resigned. Our boy always has a plan.
> 
> Angst and fluff and sparkles!!! Oh my!!
> 
> P.s. this will continue. I'm thinking maybe 15-20 chapters? We'll see as the story flows. Eventually rating change. *Wink wink nudge nudge*

 

**SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE OF TIME AND SPACE**

 

“What is wrong with these two?” The Living Force asked the Cosmic Force, exasperatedly.

“They’re humans. That should tell you everything you need to know. They’re going to over complicate or over simplify anything that they have to think about.” Said the Cosmic Force. “Generally, in the wrong order. “

“How are they supposed to bring balance if they can’t stop fighting? They are going about this all wrong! Why are they denying the parts of themselves they most need?” asked the Living Force.

“Again, Liv, they are overthinking and not accepting themselves. They don’t know how to do anything but fight. You picked the two souls that have been at war since birth, and you expect them to come to some sort of peaceful resolve? The light girl couldn’t even accept that her parents were never coming back after fifteen years. The big dark one couldn’t accept that his family happens to be fallible humans just like himself. He even killed one of them thinking that he could kill the light. I’m not sure why you are still tooling around with these hairless monkeys. The more you do, the more complex things become.” The Cosmic Force opined.

“Look, Cos, it is MY JOB to tool around with the hairless monkeys. They’re ALIVE. If I don’t get these two together then it’s going to take eons for the balance to occur. I keep trying to get them to just talk to each other and they’ve come so close but they just keep sulking. It’s just nigh impossible with the way they seem to be going about it. He loves her and she loves him but they have all this useless stuff in the way. They have all these expectations about how things should be and they can’t see how things actually are! Neither is right but they are both too stubborn to see the error of their ways!!” Liv finished with a flail of their hands in the air.

“Hairless. Monkeys.” Cos replied, arms crossed.

“You are no help.” Liv snipped.

“I am already in balance.” Cos said with a sniff.

“You will be about as balanced as a tilt-a-whirl if you don’t help me figure this out.” Liv was eyeing Cos with more than a little venom. Cos just smiled in return.

“Balance will happen when it is supposed to. You are tinkering with things that you cannot control. Neither of us can. That’s what free will is about. They will get there when they get there. You can’t speed it up.” Cos said with a roll of its eyes.

“I can sure as hell try.” Liv said, cracking their knuckles. “I’m going to try and make the big dark one jealous again so he admits his feelings for her or she might at least see it for what it is. I need to open their bond again when she’s with that pilot. They made some headway the last time. Maybe they can move things along then.” Liv was basically talking to themselves at this point and disregarding everything that Cos had said.

“You’re going to give the gifted monkeys anxiety and even more complexes than they already have doing this. Last time he ripped a few walls apart and maimed that poor trooper. I hope you’ve sent flowers to that fellow or at least helped mitigate the nerve damage….”

“I will, I will.” said Liv with a dismissive waive of their hand. “But right now she’s at some kind of fancy party and in a beautiful dress. Ooooh and she’s on the arm of that pilot fellow. I really should find him someone nice after all this is over. If he lives. He’s been very useful. Good heart, that one. Shame him and the runaway trooper didn’t go the way he hoped. I do like the trooper’s girl though. She sees things that all the others miss. She’s got a gift for the heart of things. Could come in handy.” Liv was rambling at this point and Cos was rolling their eyes and half listening to the absurdity of this plot.

Cos had resigned themselves to these rambles and silly plans shortly after the big bang had occurred.

“Fine. Let me see what’s going on so I can at least try and keep you from wrecking the rest of the universe with this nonsense.” Cos sighed. They stepped closer together and peered down at the scene….

 

* * *

 

Rey felt incredibly uncomfortable. She felt exposed and itchy and encumbered by the ridiculous ensemble that Poe and Rose had helped her pick out for this “party”. Especially, she noted, the audaciously, strappy, tall heels that she had been talked into enduring. What if she had to run or fight in this? There was no practicality to it. No place to keep her ‘saber. She didn’t understand why they couldn’t just go talk to people in their regular clothes. Surely, the last jedi and the best pilot in the Resistance would be more convincing in their robes and flight suit. Poe had tried to explain to her that this was just a formality and they could sway more people with Rey looking like one of the girls in those holodramas that Finn didn’t want them to know he watched. Finally, Poe explained how much food would be at this party and Rey had agreed to put the tissue paper they called a dress on.

They had dressed her in the only formal attire they knew of, which belonged to General Organa. The dresses were in an elaborate old trunk in the back of her storage compartments, and it was full to the brim. Rey thought surely Leia had not worn any of these gowns in many years but they fit perfectly on her small frame and they seemed timeless in their style. Rey then snorted to herself as she looked in the mirror, scrunching her nose up at the thought.

“Like I know anything about style!” She nervously laughed to herself. “I grew up with rags and sand! I wonder how many portions this get up would have earned?”

She didn’t want to admit that she was afraid but she was. She was nervous that she would seem out of place and everyone would know the instant they saw her that she was a fraud and this gown was just a costume in a play. What a play it was….

The gown was a shimmery silver white that reminded her of the stars twinkling over the deserts of Jakku at night but much more condensed. It looked like a thousand nebulas of stars had been sewn together to make this one dress. It was surprisingly light and swirled and swayed just enough when she moved that it enhanced even her small curves into something feminine and graceful. The collar of the dress draped the sparkling stardust cloth to just below her breasts, exposing her torso. The back was no better as it dipped so low that she felt if she moved wrong she might expose herself. The dress was lightly clingy around her hips, coming to her ankles and trailing just slightly longer in the back. It had gauzey sleeves that were open at the shoulders and joined together again at her wrists where the cuffs came to a point over her small calloused hands. Rose had insisted on painting her nails. They were a dove grey. It reminded her of the paint they used on the X-Wings to cover the rust.  Rose had also applied pigment to her lids that had the same kind of iridescence of the dress and painted her top lip red and her bottom with just one stripe of color through the middle. The black kohl liner and mascara around her eyes had made her nervous but she had to admit that it was very striking and made her hazel eyes seem like emeralds in comparison to the pale cloth. The colors also made the freckles across her nose stand out.  Her hair was brought tightly back and had intricate loops and swirls of braids and curls that hung down to her nape. Each mahogany braid and curl was decorated with a fine mesh of twinkling jewels which was anchored with a jewel affixed to the center of her forehead and attached with silver chains. She felt like she was looking at a stranger in the mirror. Someone long since gone, but somehow familiar.

She tried to turn around and ask Poe and Rose what they thought but she forgot the height of her heels and teetered over like a new born zeer calf.

“Whoop!” she yelled as she fell into Poe’s arms. He smiled at her in genuine mirth.

“We are going to have to teach you to walk in that get up. I sincerely hope there is some kind of Jedi Force magic trick that can keep you from breaking an ankle while dancing!” Poe exclaimed merrily.

Rey’s face blanched as she looked wide eyed up at her friend. “Dancing?” she said. “I have to dance in this?”

* * *

 

Surprisingly, Rey and Poe were having a good time. Rey thought the bubbly spirits in the delicately fluted glasses might have helped a little. The food helped a lot. Rose had reapplied her lip paint twice now because Rey kept going by the finger foods table even after the sit down meal. Rey had done her best not to inhale the deliciously spiced avian that had been served to her but had still cleaned her plate so well the kitchen staff wondered if it had been used at all. Poe had been right. It was completely worth it to come, even in these clothes.

Poe had convinced many fearful officials and industry leaders that the Resistance was worth backing with his charm and wit. Rey had convinced them with her beauty and intensity. There were still a few more to sway to their side before they could call the evening a complete success. With that idea in mind, Poe took Rey by the hand and led her to the center of the dance floor. She was looking at him with a puzzled expression as he took her hand and placed the other on her hip.

He leaned in and whispered “We have to show them that the propaganda holos are telling the truth. That they can put their faith in us, together, to win this fight. Do you have something you can do that will… uh… make it easier for you to follow my lead? Maybe you could float a little? I’m not sure how this works…”, he said, muttering the last little bit while seeming to search the floor for answers.

Rey threw her head back and laughed genuinely for the first time in a long time, the sound ringing pleasantly for all to hear. “I have something I can do, Commander Dameron.” She said, smiling at him with mischief in her eyes. “Don’t fight it, just open your thoughts to me and I’ll be able to follow you I think.”

With that they began to glide around the floor, Rey allowing the Force to flow through her like a current between them. Rey mused on how much this was like battle meditation when she allowed the Force to use her as it saw fit, becoming a tool for it to wield. She kept the smile plastered to her face and only faltered slightly when she wondered how much easier this would be with Ben and their bond. How would it feel to have his arms around her? How strong would their current be? She pushed the thoughts from her mind and kept focusing on the energy flowing through her, through her dance partner, and through every living thing in the room. She could feel the eyes on them as the music swelled and swayed like an ocean of sound. She could sense the awe and admiration from the crowd. It was working! This show was convincing even the reluctant supporters to back the fight against the First Order! Each step they took in this dance was a step towards gaining the resources needed to save countless lives and arm their cause with the weapons to defend the galaxy. Rey was elated! She might even admit to having the tiniest bit of fun with this. They just had to keep this up a little while longer and they would have everything they need to carry on the fight. Something itched at the back of her mind, though. Something… something….

* * *

 

Kylo Ren stood watching her twirl and sway around the dance floor with the wretched little fuck of a pilot. Gods, how he hated that man. To be fair, he would hate anyone dancing with Rey. Not that he’d admit that. He knew that what he was feeling right now was weakness. He was feeling the pull to the light again because she was wearing the light. She was the very embodiment of the light if it were a goddess draped in starlight. His lip curled slightly upwards at the edges when he recognized the dress from old holos. It had belonged to Padme Amidala, his grandmother. Rey looked every bit the queen in this masterpiece of a dress that Padme had. His heart hurt at the knowledge that this must have come from the trunk his mother had kept. He shoved those thoughts down. He instead allowed his eyes to wander over the small, delicate, curve of Rey’s spine as she swayed to the music guided by the Force. Only she would think of dancing as a place to use battle meditation. He had to give it to her there. That was probably the most accurate and interesting way to view dancing at one of these stuffy ass parties.

She was concentrating so hard that she hadn’t noticed him leaned up against a pillar just off the dance floor. He tore his eyes away from her to look around. He could see a bit of the surrounding areas she moved through and he noted that their bond had grown. When these had begun occurring, he had only been able to see her. Then he could see just what surrounded her. More recently, he could see anyone in close proximity to her, but they were blurry. Now, he could see most of the room. Maybe if he could figure out where she was he could… no. No he could not attempt to see her. That would be giving in. He was the Supreme Leader of the First Order and ruler of the Galaxy. He would not be tempted by a pretty Jedi girl in a sparkly dress. Still, he couldn’t end the connection until the Force saw fit so he allowed himself to watch her and take in the details of her graceful movements. As he watched, he wondered what it would feel like to have her pressed that close to him without a lightsaber crossed between them. He kept watching her, noting the beautiful strip of red on the bottom of her lip, the shine of the pigmented powder adorning her lids, and how the liner made her eyes appear startlingly green. She was truly beautiful. He watched as the dance ended and the pilot scum dipped her backwards with his disgusting hand on the small of her back. She was smiling so adoringly that it made his stomach knot and his jaw clench. How dare that con artist even touch her? He was beneath her! She should be Empress of this galaxy and that two bit fly boy should be ashes drifting in space. Yet, here she was with that traitorous rebel douche bags hands all over her. Kylo was trying to calm down, to find that place of indifference and anger he could rely on. Then as the X-wing jockey brought her back upright, he met his lips with hers. Ren’s sight narrowed down to tunnel vision. The only clear thing in the universe was this sickening bantha scat of a man kissing the only thing that Kylo had left to love. The possessiveness and hatred that swept over him was so intense that Rey’s eyes shot open. Ren started towards them aggressively.

* * *

 

Rey felt the wave of hatred and …. Was that jealousy?.... hit her like a tidal wave. If Poe hadn’t been holding her she would have fallen backwards from the shock of it. “Why kriffing now?” she thought to herself.

Poe pulled back from their kiss when he sensed her stiffen. He whispered in her ear “Calm down, Rey. Remember this is all just a show.” She smiled nervously back at him.

“Sorry, all that twirling and the concentrating has just made me a little dizzy.” She said, looking over his shoulder at the Supreme Leader storming towards them with the eyes blazing. “I think I just need a little air to cool off. I’m going to step out on the balcony for just a moment. Please go talk to the delegates and I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” He said grinning and winking at her. “I think I can land a few more supporters to the cause after this bit of PDA.” He released her and squeezed her hand as they went their separate ways just in time for Ben to catch her by the elbow and march her outside.

Ben whirled her around to face him once they were on the balcony overlooking the garden and fountains. Canto Bight. They were in Canto Bight, he noted. “What the kriffing hell was that, Rey? First you kiss me and tell me it’s your first kiss and you wanted it to be me! Now I see you with that wrecking ball of a fly boy, making out in front of a crowd in MY GRANDMOTHERS DRESS!!!”

Shock washes over Rey and she slowly looks down at the elaborate gown, running her hand just over the fabric, not daring to touch it suddenly. “Your…your grandmother’s dress? This was Queen Amidalas dress?” she says, looking back up at him in what feels like slow motion. Her eyes are wide and she suddenly floods their bond with shame and regret and feelings of unworthiness. He is staring at her with vicious intensity. She suddenly feels very, very, small. She has always dressed in whatever she could find that fits. Everything she owns is the color of sand or not far from it. The realization that she is wearing the dress of one of the youngest Queens of Naboo makes her stomach do back flips. She should not be with in a system of this dress let alone wearing it. She suddenly feels utterly ridiculous and embarrassed, as if she were a small child again bringing Unkar Plutt useless scrap. She went hungry then but now she feels as if she might lose her dinner. “I… I’m so sorry, Ben. I.. I didn’t know. I’m such a fool. Where else would… would….THIS…” she says gesturing to the head wear that she now realizes is a crown, “come from? Oh, I am such a bloody idiot!” Her eyes are starting to water and she fights back tears while looking around wildly at anything but Ben.

Kylo watches her panic. It isn’t the kiss that panics her. Not his anger. Not the fact that someone might walk in on this moment. What causes her to panic is that she feels like she is defiling this dress. He can feel her so strongly through this bond that he knows that she feels like she has ruined it by even touching it. Her panic and shame soften his anger and he almost forgets that she kissed… that… that _pilot._ “She doesn’t know.” He thinks to himself. “She doesn’t know that I would dress her in things twice as costly and finely made just to show her that she deserves them and more.” He breathes in deeply and then out slowly looking at the sky before he speaks.

“Rey, you’re a vision. You’re beautiful in that dress. More beautiful than my grandmother was, but you’re beautiful when you’re screaming with a lightsaber in your hands, you’re beautiful when you’re curled up and lost in those books you stole from the temple. You are the most beautiful woman in the galaxy. I told you, you might come from nothing, but you’re not to me. You don’t need to be ashamed of wearing that dress or that crown. Wear them all. I would love to see it. I would love to give you any gown you wanted, just say the word. I would love to see you wear _my_ crown, but I know that you won’t.” Kylo said looking into the gold and green pools of light that were her eyes. She tried to look away but he reached out and lifted her chin to look at him again. “I don’t know what’s going on here. I know you won’t answer me about it, but I can feel that this isn’t what you want. I can feel your conflict.  When you’re ready, when you have had enough, you just say the word. I will find you. My offer still stands. You can keep fighting against the galaxy, or you can come with me and change it. The choice is yours. I can’t make it for you. I won’t beg you again. You are the only thing in this galaxy that I care about but just like everyone else in my past, I can’t make you care about me. I can’t make you stop fighting and I can’t keep you from kissing that moron but I can’t keep watching it either. It’s killing me.”

Ben closes the distance between them, crowding her space and moving her back to lean up against a white baster column. She is keenly aware of him, his scent, the warmth of him, his size and how he makes her feel so very small. He still has his hand under her chin and doesn’t let her turn her head as he leans down to join their lips, softly but with a fire she can feel down her spine, pooling in her abdomen. She reaches up with both hands, running her delicate fingers up his neck and into his hair. She is lost in how soft and warm it feels. The Supreme Leader shouldn’t be this soft and warm! The Supreme Leader shouldn’t be kissing a Jedi scavenger girl from Jakku either but that’s not stopping either of them. He flicks his tongue across her lips and she grants him entry. She brings her hands down to the sides of his face holding him there while running a thumb over the scar she gave him. Their emotions ebb back and forth from each other like tides on the ocean and she feels it. She finally knows what he’s been saying without words since that night in her hut on Ach-To. She sends the same feeling in return and there is wordless understanding between the two of them. There is an acceptance of this mutual truth.

As he pulls back from her, she is breathless and glorious with pupils dilated and shining in the light of the moons. Her chest is rising and falling rapidly and he thinks that he has never seen anything so arousing in his life. He grins at her, smug mischief twinkling in his dark calculating eyes.

“He might be the best pilot in the resistance, but he damn sure can’t kiss you like that.” The grin relaxes and he’s still smiling but a bit more serious when he says, “Whenever you’re ready, Rey, I’ll be here. Just say the word.” She is still staring at the spot he faded from when Rose comes to find her.

“Rey! You’ve been out here for a long time! We were getting worried! Here, have another drink.” Rose says, handing Rey another fluted glass. Rose stops to look at her, a brow lifted in confusion. “We’re going to have to fix that before you go back in there….”

* * *

 

Supreme Leader Ren makes his way to the bridge of the Finalizer. He is feeling more settled than he has in months, more sure of himself and his course of action. Hux is away, inspecting other ships for readiness, and Lt. Mitaka is on the bridge in his place. He snaps to attention as Ren walks on to the bridge.”

“Lieutenant, set a course for Canto Bight. I have some business to attend to in the area.”

“Aye, Sir. Set a heading for Canto Bight!” Lt. Mitaka calls out the order to the crew. Then he stops, looking at the Supreme Leader nervously, in his peripheral. “Sir, i…if… if I might, Sir… you have something on your… your face, Sir.” He finally manages to get out.

Kylo, turns his head slowly with a look and a cocked eye brow that normally signals someone being cut off from their air supply. “Excuse me, Lieutenant?”

Lt. Mitaka, who never, ever, wanted this job in the first damn place, gestures to his own mouth in example. He tries to ignore his shaking hands as he says, “Just there, Sir.”

Kylo brings a gloved hand to his face and wipes at his mouth and then looks down at his glove, stained red. Lt. Mitaka looks at him and is terrified when the Supreme Leader’s face splits into a mad grin and he begins to laugh a deep hysterical laugh that unnerves even the most stoic of officers in the command area. “So I do Lieutenant, so I do…” Ren says as he continues to laugh, the sound rings down the halls of the Finalizer as he leaves the bridge once more in silence.

* * *

 

“See, Cos?? I was right! Perfectly timed if you ask me!” Liv gloated smugly.

“This still doesn’t change anything, Liv. She’s still doing her song and dance for the Resistance and thinking that’s the light side and he is still commanding a bunch of space terrorists.” Cos pointed out, gesturing to the scene below. “Though I have to say nudging her to pick that dress was a nice move. I thought the Big Dark One was going to lose his mind when he first saw her!”

“I think this was solid work and real progress has been made. Hopefully, their love will put an end to all these silly conflicts and give way to true balance. They are wasting precious time!” Liv, said with a nervous look on their face.

Cos stared down at the Rose girl fixing the Light Girls make up yet, again. “Time is all they need, Liv. Time is all they need.”


	5. Cosmogony Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey discovers the holoweb. Uh-oh. 
> 
> The Supreme Leader is amused. Hux gets choked for a second just because he's annoying. They finally freaking talk. Teeny bit of fluffy smut. This chapter is is a bit cheeky and funny. Enjoy!
> 
> When Rey burst in the room in just her night clothes with an angry and formidable countance on her generally delicate features, Ben knew it was about to be a fight. He sucked in a breath. Gods she was absolutely gorgeous. She was so alive in her anger. So animated. So very passionate. It was everything he could do to hold his composure and not smile just a little at the tiny Jedi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are errors, they're totes mine. My bad. Hope you enjoy and leave some feedback and love. I'm trying to make sure these chapters are longer. Also you can follow me over on Tumblr at MadandMisquoted.

** SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE OF TIME AND SPACE, AGAIN… **

 

“That went far better than expected.” Cos admitted to Liv.

“Indeed. I was afraid the Big Dark One was going to bring down the whole place but he melted for her. It was beautiful!!” Liv exclaimed.

“So he’s admitted he cares about her and the door is always open. Now you just have to get her to admit the same. How do you propose to do that?” Cos queried.

“What’s good for the goose is good for the gander… and vice versa…. she’s the goose… he’s the gander…I think… I think that’s how that saying goes? Oh, who knows? That saying hasn’t been around since that Earth place went to hell… Anyway, I figure I can use a similar technique for her!” Liv exclaimed.

“You’re rambling again.” Cos replied dryly.

“Maybe but I have a fantastic plan.” Liv said, cracking their knuckles. “Just watch how this goes!”

 

** A FEW WEEKS AFTER THE DINNER PARTY **

Rey was begrudgingly listening to Poe snore in their “shared quarters”. She didn’t mind having a roommate but it was a little strange to have a male one. The Resistance had seen fit to give their famous power couple a shared room. She absolutely loathed the idea of giving up her privacy. She was quite attached to it after so long on her own. She was not used to living with another person in such close quarters. She was barely adjusting to living within the Resistance and its community.

 Still, it was nice to not be alone. She had been alone since she was about six years old until the Resistance. She had a lingering ache in her heart but she couldn’t make Ben see reason and it helped to have people that cared around her. Unfortunately, she could not tell them everything. She couldn’t tell them that their sworn enemy kept offering her his hand and the galaxy along with it. She also couldn’t tell them about how many times in the long, lonely, nights she thought about saying yes. Not because she wanted to rule the galaxy but because she loved him and missed him.

He was the only person that really knew her. The only person she couldn’t hide from. She wasn’t sure how much he knew about the plan the Resistance was using her for but he knew she was conflicted and that he could get away with kissing her. She burned with embarrassment even to herself about that weakness. She loved the way he kissed her and what it made her feel. She loved that she could feel it in return from him. She wondered if he had seen the holos. Surely he had, but she hadn’t even seen them really. Just a flit of the images from time to time but she had tried to avoid them until now. Her curiosity finally piqued only because she needed to know how Ben would react to them. She wondered how bad they were and if they made it as ridiculous as it felt. So she grabbed her holopad and held her breath.

Oh, these were awful. She really hoped Ben hadn’t seen these. They made her and Poe look like they were all over each other, especially since they got a shot of that kiss when they danced. She hid her face in her hands while peeking through her fingers at the image. Oh, that kriffing dress! She was mortified.

The images were all over the gossip holos. There was a particular holosite that was the worst about it. They called it “Tumblr” but it had all the galaxy’s biggest fans and their theories all over it. There were even some users that were posting images they had drawn. She sucked in a sharp breath and her eyes went wide looking at a particularly brazen image. She frantically hit the button trying to get away from the imagery but ended up on a different hololog on the site that was all for the First Order.  More specifically, it was all for the Supreme Leader. There were pages of images of Ben and if she thought the art they had posted of her and Poe had been explicit, these were simply obscene. She wanted to look away but some of them were quite tantalizing. She scrolled through enjoying each image more than the last, until she saw the comments.

She started to read them and realized that there were hordes of women and men in each system that wanted to do things to her Ben that set her ablaze. Her very veins ignited and she could feel the Force swell around her as she threw her blankets off and stormed towards the training room. She slammed the door open with the Force and marched into the room.

Ben felt the percussion of this particular force bond rather suddenly and glanced up from the head of the conference room table. Hux and another general had been droning on about the inner workings of a Dreadnaught and what facilities should be installed on them to make them more effective for the better part of an hour. Ben had to prop his thumbs under his chin and fold his hands in front of his face to keep upright. It also worked to hide the irritated facial expressions he was trying desperately to control. He did not give a single kriff about this meeting and what these two were prattling on about.

When Rey burst in the room in just her night clothes with an angry and formidable countance on her generally delicate features, Ben knew it was about to be a fight. He sucked in a breath. Gods she was absolutely gorgeous. She was so alive in her anger. So animated. So very passionate. It was everything he could do to hold his composure and not smile just a little at the tiny Jedi.

“Generals. That will be all for today. I have other business to attend to.” Kylo Ren said, dismissing the room with a wave of his hand. His eyes never left Rey.

“But, Supreme Leader we were just about to deci…” Hux’s words died on his lips. The air was suddenly gone from his lungs and his throat felt like an entire Bantha was crushing it. He clawed at the nothingness constricting his breathing. “As you wish, Supreme Leader.” was all he could rasp out. Ren dropped him and the air rushed back to Hux. He gathered his things and tried to scramble from the room with what little dignity he had left.

Rey stood glaring at the Supreme Leader of the First Order, barefoot. Her hair was in a messy single bun on top of her head with tendrils falling down about her face and neck. All she had on was a tiny slip of a silky blue night gown and Ben couldn’t help but admire her tawny legs and the curve of her hips that were only accentuated by her hands being propped on them. She was so angry her nose was scrunched up. To him, she was positively adorable and he was truly failing at hiding his smile despite facing her wrath for gods knew what now.

“Can I help you with something, Rey?” Ben said, carefully controlling his tone but still not managing to keep his amusement completely out of it. He leaned back in his chair, half to keep out of her arms reach and half to get a better look at her long legs.

“What the kriffing hell is this?” she raged at him, brandishing the holopad she had in her hand and shaking it at him with fury.

“I assume that is what passes for a holopad on your side of things?” Ben said, still trying to stifle a bit of laughter. “It’s used for communicating mass messages across the galaxy, receiving personal holos, and in general keeping up with the news. What has you so upset that you’re imagining throwing that holopad at my head, sweetheart?” Ben quipped, propping his chin on his hand and admiring her. Her golden skin was flushed with her anger and it gave her a lovely glow. He was wondering if she would look that flushed if he…. No. He can’t think like that. She’s the enemy and she’s continued to reject him. She’d also kissed him a few times, he reminded himself. Just when he thought he understood her, something changed. It was frustrating but he somehow found that attractive. It was always a challenge with her whether it was on the battlefield or in these force bond moments. He admired her spirit over even the smallest matter.

“Have you ever been on some of these holosites?!? Do you know what they are saying about you?” She bellowed at him.

“I think I am relieved to say that I have no idea. I have never really ventured past searching for things I need information on. Even that is rare for me. That’s what we have Hux for after all. I have seen what they say about you and that pilot.” He snipped at her but still not with the biting venom that he normally would. He was still far too amused by her arm waving and exasperation.

“There are women AND men saying the filthiest things about you all over this site! The tamest one I saw was ‘Force choke me daddy’! It is horrifying! How dare they! How can you allow this kind of thing to go on??” She ranted. Rey looked at him and he was staring at her with the strangest look on his face. He gave the impression of trying to puzzle something out. His head was turned and cocked to the side while his eyes never left her. He was also squinting at her a bit. Ben had such an expressive face that his thoughts were sometimes more apparent by that then through the Force. “WHAT?” she yelled at him. “Why are you kriffing looking at me like I’m insane?” She was breathing heavy now. She felt her pulse racing. She was beginning to realize he might not know what she’s talking about.

“Rey… are you… are you..” He stuttered trying to find the right words to express what he felt coming off her. It was swirling ball of heat and a mixture of things that he hadn’t felt from her before.

“AM I WHAT? FOR FORCE SAKE, SPIT IT OUT!” She fumed, spiking the holopad off the ground. It bounced and shattered.

He could no longer control his laughter and what started out as a chuckle transformed into a true laugh. When he could finally get his words out, he said “Rey, are you fucking jealous? Because it not only sounds that way, it feels that way.” He was full-fledged grinning at her now. His eyes were shining with something akin to mischief and much lighter than they normally were. She could see Ben Solo in front of her. He just happened to be wearing Kylo Ren’s clothes. His laughter had sounded warm and genuine and it made something in Rey’s chest swell. She was still mad, though. He was kind of laughing _at_ her and that pissed her off, even if it was in a slightly petty way.

“I am not jealous! I’ve never been jealous in my entire life!” She huffed.

“Then how would you know what it feels like?” he asked teasingly. His expression became more serious as he continued to explain. “Because when you stormed in here you were giving off the same feelings I had when you were dancing with that tiny nerf herder. I was definitely jealous. We’re bonded and the idea of anyone looking at you or touching you in anyway other than friendly makes me want to murder someone. I may have actually, now that I think about it.” Ben said, as he made a mental note to check on that Stormtrooper he maimed. “I have made it plain to you where I stand on this several times. The fact that I’m tolerating that skinned Ewok is only on your behalf and because I haven’t figured exactly what is going on here yet. It would help if you told me. I have always been honest with you. I have never lied to you. Not once. I told you from the first encounter we had that I’d rather start with honesty and stick to that. I have upheld that. I think it’s time for you to start being honest too, especially about how you feel.”

Rey was angry and confused and Ben was right. She didn’t know why she was so mad at these complete strangers. She could almost hear Master Luke and his ‘search your feelings’ bit. She sighed heavily. Was she jealous? She loved Ben but she hadn’t told him that. Surely he must know though. With the bond they shared he had to know how she felt. Were the words really so important? She didn’t even know how to define what she felt when she had read those… _comments_. Especially, that Millicents-Ginger-Daddy01 hololog. Whoever he was, he was _obsessed_. She mentally shuddered thinking about it.

 She didn’t like how these people looked at Ben like he was just some sex object. It made her angry and sad at the same time. They didn’t know him like she did. They didn’t know how gentle he could be or how much he missed his mother. They didn’t know that he was awkward and endearing at the oddest times. He was so much more to her than some sexy piece of meat. She thought he was handsome with a noble face and intense eyes. He did little things that she loved like raking his hands through his hair when he was upset or stressed out, which he did a lot around her. These people didn’t know how soft that hair was either or that he smelled like a mix between old books, fresh linens, and musk. They didn’t know how his lips felt when he kissed her, she mused.

“That’s because they don’t get that privilege.” Ben said, rising and moving towards her. He had been watching her mull over her thoughts as she seemed to draw in on herself both mentally and physically. She seemed even smaller and more delicate to him now with her arms crossed over her stomach like she was hugging herself. He wondered how many times that was the only comfort she had in her life. It stirred something possessive inside him. She looked up at him with her beautiful hazel eyes wide with confusion and conflict. He took off his gloves, tossed them aside and placed a reassuring hand on her bare shoulder while using the free hand to tilt her face to his. He searched her eyes for a moment before he bent his head down to place his lips on hers. It was just a moment but she needed to know that she was his choice in this world.

“No one has ever had the privilege but you.” He admitted quietly. He smiled at her and released her. He didn’t want to push her too far. This was progress but it was fragile and could shift like the tides. He was mulling over a few thoughts of his own. She was an action oriented soul and words failed her most of the time. He knew this and had been preparing a few things he wanted to show her. He wanted to show her he was not the monster that he had been when Snoke had haunted every corner of his mind. He pressed his lips together, chewing at them and working his jaw as he debated his next course of action.

His decision made, he took her hand and pulled her over to where his datapad sat on the table. He sat down heavily in the chair and drew her into his lap to sit. “Don’t get nervous.” He said. “I just want to show you something before the bond steals you from me.” He pulled his datapad to him with a small gesture and opened it, quickly scrolling through files and brought up what he was looking for.

“What is this?” she said, leaning closer to the screen.

“I’ll show you. Here.” He pressed another series of buttons and brought up a hologram of resource routing and supply lines. They weren’t for the First Order though. They were relief efforts for the most hard hit systems ravaged by the war.

“Is this real?” she asked, amazed.

“Yes. I don’t want to rule over endless war. There would eventually be nothing to rule over. I want to reroute the trade and supply lines to better stabilize the galaxy’s economy as well. There are plenty of planets on the Outer Rim that have much to offer in the way of minerals, goods, and labor. They just tend to get passed over in favor of the Inner Rim planets. It causes a lot of strife and it was one of many things the Republic never addressed. We are also working on doing away with how the Stormtrooper program is run. Much to Hux’s chagrin. In the next five years it will be completely voluntary with terms of enlistment instead of a lifetime of mandatory service. We have already stopped the intake of children to be raised in the program.” He said, proudly showing her the orders stopping the program. “Reconditioning is also a thing of the past. We need a force of soldiers from all the planets so that each system is invested. It may not be as efficient as before but there will be a chance for new ideas and innovation from the new recruits. They’ll bring what they know from all corners of the galaxy and that’s a resource in itself.”

She was staring at him as he talked excitedly about the changes he had initiated in the First Order. This didn’t sound like tyranny. Hell, it didn’t even sound like the First Order. It sounded very, very different. She knew there were more changes to be made but this was certainly a step in the right direction. Just then he caught her looking at him as if really seeing him for the first time. He turned his face to her fully.

“What? Did you think I was going to keep on like Snoke? He was going to keep taking and taking until the entire galaxy was used up. He didn’t care about people. He cared about power. Power is only worth it if you use it. To keep power you have to use it the right way.” He said.

Rey smiled at him and he thought it was like a blinding light. She brought her hands up to his face, regarding him for a moment and stroking his scar with her thumb. She leaned in slowly and kissed him, never taking her eyes off him. His eyes fluttered closed and he wrapped his arms around her waist feeling her warmth through the cool, silky, fabric of her night dress. She pulled at his shirt with her hands drawing him closer to her. He felt like the surface of the sun, solid as durasteel and he made her feel so very feminine and small. His hand slid down from her waist on to her thigh. He just wanted to feel her skin, wanted to feel the connection to her even stronger. She sighed into him at the contact and he flicked his tongue across her lips, pleading for entry. She acquiesced and felt the warmth of his tongue slide against hers. She ran her hands into his hair, knotting her delicate fingers in the soft ebony waves. He growled deep in his chest at the contact and deepened their kiss. He slid his hand up her thigh, under her silken hem line and nearly up to her hip. She rocked into him in response. Gods he wanted her so much and her being responsive to his attentions was just stoking the fire that was already burning him alive inside. He had to know. He had to hear her say it. He couldn’t bear it if she didn’t feel the same.   

“Say it. Say it.” He whispered in her ear as he pulled away to nibble at the pulsing flesh along her neck.

She sucked in a sharp breath as the feeling of his teeth scraping against the sensitive flesh. A chill ran through her, knotting hot and fierce in her center. “I… oh gods Ben… I love you.” She panted to him as she tightened her grip on his hair and he tightened his grip on her hip. It would leave her with bruises the next day but right now she really didn’t care.

“I had to hear it. I had to know you meant it.” He murmured while showering her collar bone with wet kisses. He pulled away and looked her in the eyes. Hers were half lidded but had a fire smoldering in them. Her lips were flushed, swollen, and just slightly parted. She looked like a goddess to him. When her skin flushed like this her freckles stood out more, he thought, the corners of his mouth twitching up slightly.

“I love you.” He said earnestly. “I will always love you. I will wait for you until all the suns in the galaxy burn out. Anytime you get tired of playing pretend with Poe, you just say the word and I will come get you. Besides, you don’t exactly have what he’s looking for, do you?” he quipped and grinned wickedly at her.

Shocked, Rey gasped. “How did you know!?” she exclaimed leaving her jaw somewhere on the durasteel under their feet.

“I am General Leia Organa-Solo’s son. I have known Poe since he was a kid but he probably doesn’t want to remember that. I was strong with the force even as a child, so growing up in the Resistance and the Republic Senate; I accidentally read my fair share of minds. Poe had come out to Leia shortly after he joined up with them and I picked it up from her. It was just the gist of the conversation.” He explained.  “I wasn’t sure what his standing was but judging from your reaction, I’m assuming I’m not wrong. Which works out great for me, you know.” He smirked as he ran his fingers down her throat and over her chest.

“So anytime you two decide to stop playing house for the Resistance and putting on a show, you let me know and I’ll come get you. It’s a choice you have to make, though. You’re my only choice.  I choose you but I do not choose them. The Resistance wants to reinstate the Republic but it was just as corrupt as the Empire. It was slow in decision making and it let people suffer. I sat through speech after speech listening to politicians debate about issues when they knew for a fact what they should do. Instead they lined their own systems pockets with money. The Outer Rim planets never stood a chance against the Inner Rim and its alliances with the Banking Guild. The poor became poorer and the rich became richer with each passing cycle. I’m already working to change that. I want a united galaxy that prospers and flourishes together. It won’t be easy and I’m going to have to do things to bring the Inner Rim to heel that you aren’t going to like but I swear there is a reason behind my ruthlessness. It is not for nothing, Rey. It is for everyone. So no one grows up a slave or goes hungry or gets exploited on some backwater world. No child has to grow up like you did. There needs to be a standard of rights for all sentient beings and I can’t sit and debate that with stuffed shirt, puppet senators from thousands of systems.” It was clearly Ben’s turn to rant.

She listened patiently to him as he laid out his plans for the galaxy for her approval. She had to admit it sounded good but there were obstacles in his way. He had a host of high ranking First Order officers to deal with. Hux wasn’t the only officer that would stand in his way. There were also the hold overs from the Empire that still existed in the First Order ranks.

“How are you going to accomplish all of this with men like Hux in your midst? What about your officers that will side with him? He could easily convince them that you are destroying the First Order and lead a coup against you. You’ll need to be careful of him Ben. He will try to kill you. I… I don’t know if I could live through that. I want to believe you, believe in you but the Resistance isn’t going to. They see you as a symbol of tyranny and oppression. I don’t know how to change that.” She looked down at her hands in her lap, sorrow filling her heart.

“I don’t need them to believe me. I need you to believe me. What less than a thousand people, camped out Corvis Minor IV, think of me or the New Order I’m building will not sway a galaxy that is prospering and at peace. I know what I have offered you will cause you to give up many of the people you care about, but once they see this for what it is, they will change their minds, Rey.” He promised her as he ran the knuckles of his hand along the hollow of her cheek. “Just say the word. I will find you and I will come for you.”

“How did you know where we are?” she gasped. “How did you know how many people we have? Did you find out from me somehow?” she accused.

“No, no. You don’t get it. I have known where you were. I’ve known since you left Crait and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. I have kept it from Hux. I have my own network in the Order and this was not information that zealot needed. Besides, I talk to Maz a lot. She knows everything. I even offered her an official position with us and she turned me down. She said she could be of more use to the galaxy serving drinks and listening to smugglers and bounty hunters idle bar chatter. She’s also awfully fond of you, sweetheart.” Ben said, grinning at her.

“Maz sold us out? How could she?? And why haven’t you wiped us out if you know where we are?” Rey was flustered and felt more than a little bit betrayed by the thousand year old Force sensitive.

“Why would I wipe you out? You’re of no real threat to the First Order and it seems to be your home. I wouldn’t take that away from you. You’d never have forgiven me if I did. We wouldn’t be having this conversation right now if I sent troops to kill all your friends and loved ones. You’re dedicated to the Resistance, Rey. I get it. You feel like you’ve found a place. Maybe that was true when my mother was alive but I’m sensing a massive shift in you since they started using you as a poster child for a fight that isn’t even happening. When you left Crait, I knew that it would take a long time for you to trust me again. I knew I had to show you. That took time, as well. We’re just starting to make actual changes. Even if you always fought me, even if you hated me, I could never have taken this from you. I know how lonely you have been your entire life waiting on that useless sand pit for your parents. I would never put you back in that place. I couldn’t watch you waste away in an old AT-AT.” Ben replied.

Rey didn’t know what to make of any of this. She had tried so hard for over a year to harden her heart to him. The only day that he’d actually been cruel to her was the day his mother died and he was full of the darkness that day. She could understand, she’d been aware of her own darkside for a while now and it only seemed to get worse with emotional strain. The mistake the Jedi had made was assuming that detaching oneself from emotions was the only way. She knew from reading the ancient text and her meditations that denying your emotions was like cutting off a limb. It made you less effective and you never dealt with your issues. You simply ignored them. On the other side of that, if you lost yourself to your emotions you could cloud your judgement and regret it forever. You had to balance your brain and your heart. You needed the dark and the light.

“I… I need to think about all of this. You’re right. I have a lot of choices to make. I can’t promise you that you will like my decisions and I have to make choices that are right for me and for us. There is something going on in the Resistance and I don’t like it. I need to figure that out. Maybe there is a way for us to meet in the middle, a compromise that will allow the Resistance to see you differently. I know you’re telling me the truth because I can feel it in the Force but that’s not going to be good enough for most of them. They won’t let me go without a fight and I can’t just leave. Everyone I care about will view me as a traitor. I can’t have that either.” She said shaking her head and placing a hand on his chest.

“I understand. Take all the time you need. These decisions are not easy. I’m simply offering you a different path. Until you make your choice, I’ll be here waiting for you. I just have one question, though.” Ben said.

“What’s that?” she asked, curiously.

“Are you mine? Can I say, at least to myself, that you are mine? Knowing that you are will carry me through until you make that choice.” He said seriously. He was searching her eyes again as if trying to see her soul.

She looked back at him with all her guards down so he could feel her resolve. “If this is what you’re doing, this is a path I can follow. I am yours. Now let’s find a way to make this happen. We both have battles to fight but not the ones we’re used to. We have to fix what’s broken. If I can figure out what I need to and you can stop Hux, we might be able to get the Resistance to lay down arms. In the meantime, I’m here with you. We’ll help each other. “ She leaned forward and kissed him to seal the promise. He returned that kiss with passion. When he pulled away he could feel the bond closing.

“I won’t let you down Rey. I love you.” He promised her.

“I love you too, Ben. Be careful.” She said as she faded back to her own little world. Somehow, the training room seemed smaller, darker, and drearier than she had remembered. She picked up the broken holopad off the floor and padded back to the bedroom where Poe was still snoring. She looked down at him and smiled a little. Some things never change. She shook her head and steeled herself. She picked up a datapad and started digging through any Resistance file she could find, looking for anything that would lead her to the mysterious Council and whomever was backing them. She had to put a stop to the secrets and lies.

She had to find a way back to Ben.

 


End file.
